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Intercaste between Haryanvi & Jat

On Mon, 21/3/11, shivaji pawar <pawar.shivaji@yahoo.co.in> wrote:

Hi,
I will need some time to think on your problem. I request all groupmembers to have actual meeting in delhi with Rashmi and Vivek, if possible.It is typical north indian case.

Pawar Shivaji Vasant


From: Pinky <pinku_surya@yahoo.co.in> >
Hi Vivek,
 
To intoduce myself, I am Pinky Hindu married to Francis, Christian through SMA Act. Well, you are in a very grave situation because Rashmi's parents and uncles or extended family members seem to be very much against inter-caste marriage.

Now you have tried convincing through Mediator/NGO, why not ask your parents to talk personally to Rashmi's dad. Because once Rashmi's dad is convinced, he can manage convinving his family. Do they stay in village? I mean in typical villages, these things matters a lot. Before daughters happiness comes society, that's true. 

I understand the kind of torture Rashmi is going through but I say, she has to be strong to overcome everyday/ every second emotional blackmail.

Runaway is not a good solution actually, try speaking to Rashmi's dad, he is the key. Unfortunately, he is highly influnced by his brothers and all. 

  
All the best and do not lose hope. When inter-religion marriage is possible why not inter-caste. Keep faith in God.

Thanks & Regards,
Pinky


On Tue, Mar 22, 2011 at 10:28 PM, asif iqbal <asif336@gmail.com> wrote:

Dear  Shivaji,
  
I have spoken to Vivek today and has written to one of my Jat friends for the required help. Hope to find some help soon...
Rgds,
Asif 


From: asif iqbal <asif336@gmail.com>

Dear Vivek,

Pls find the response (copied below) i received from a close friend that i have contacted....

With best wishes,
Asif


Hi Asif
 
I read Vivek’s email. I had been thinking about his situation for a couple of days and wanted to write but then things got in the way (working full time, and expecting our second child). I’m not sure if I can find someone in Chandigarh and even if I find, if that person (if it’s a jat person) will propagate inter-caste marriage. Most people do not want to get involved in such situations. . Even if we find a person who will, the father of the girl is going to say who are you to interfere in our family matter.

That said, I will try and find out if there is someone who can help. If the father is educated and sensitive, he will eventually agree to his daughter’s happiness. The key is to get her out of this situation right now. It is very depressing to be under that kind of pressure everyday and it’s a hard time for the parents also. I do not know how long this struggle has been but it takes some time before parents are able to digest such things. It took me 3-4 years to convince my father (good thing that we used that to time to better establish ourselves). 

In my limited experience, being away is the best thing that can happen to father and daughter. He will have time to recoup and think about things. The more Vivek and Rashmi put pressure on him for marriage, the worse the situation will become. He has to let her handle her family and help her when she needs it. She has to be strong and resist the emotional blackmailing if she has conviction in her relationship. Maybe he can send a wise and well established person from his family (other than his parents) to talk to rashmi’s father after he becomes a little less agitated. I know they are trying to get her away, if they can manage to create an opportunity for her in Mumbai or in some other city, it will be good. She has to keep talking to her dad inspite of all negative reactions she gets. The more emotional she becomes, the weaker their case will be as her family will think that its just an emotional phase for her. 

I don’t know how much this will help but please feel free to forward it to Vivek. In the meantime, I will try and find someone who can influence the family.   

Priti Shokeen


  
On Wed, Mar 23, 2011 at 1:11 AM, Vivek Mahajan <vivekmahajan1982@gmail.com> wrote:

Hi Shivaji/Asif,
First of all thank you all for such wonderful responses and the amount of time and energy you are taking out to help people like me. I want to become active member of this group, do let me know how can I become

Yes, I received call from Asif which was very helpful. Especially his insights with respect to what others have done and how situations have been bad in case of others have also given me a lot of determination. I will stay in touch and keep you people posted on latest developments and would look forward for your guidance.

Kind Regards,
Vivek Mahajan




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